10 Valentine’s Day Gifts for Mom That Will Make Her Say Wow Wow Wow
Make this Valentine’s Day special for the haggard woman we call mom
The “Spot-On” Advice I Received in My Youth*
“She never cooked homemade meals for him. I know how it sounds, but there’s no way he would have cheated on her if she had a tasty, nutritious meal waiting for him every night.”
*Unsolicited advice provided by women in our evangelical upbringings.
Untethered Rants, Unmeetable Demands, and Unmitigated Rage
10 Valentine’s Day Gifts for Mom That Will Make Her Say Wow Wow Wow
By Alexis
Get her some roses.
Make her a Valentine’s Day card to hang on the fridge. Get construction paper, glue, and last night’s macaroni. Cut the paper into a heart shape, then glue the macaroni in a shape that says “I spent more than 2 minutes on this.”
Bring her breakfast in bed. Be sure to include all her favorites, such as the energy bars she eats almost exclusively instead of real food while cooking, cleaning, carpooling, and parenting. If there’s still macaroni, throw some of that in there too.
Get her some tulips.
After breakfast in bed, treat mom to 24 hours of a drug-induced slumber to catch up on approximately .0002% of the tremendous sleep debt she has accumulated since beginning motherhood. Try the over the counter unisom.
Clean every dirty dish. Actually, just place them in the garbage because who are we kidding no one but mom’s washed a dish in years. Then get to work on the clean ones too so there will be no future dishes to wash either.
Get her some orchids.
Wash all the clothes in the house so she can wake up to 0 laundry waiting for her. If you don’t know how to do laundry because mom always does it, just burn them. Burn the orchids too, because in mom’s drug-induced sleep she might mistake them for demogorgons.
Replace the roses, tulips, and orchids you tore out of her garden with something beautiful. Like your macaroni art.
Get her a box of chocolates — or rather, a box for chocolates, as the box might be all that’s left when mom wakes up.
(Originally published in Frazzled)
Hot Take
Both adorable handmade valentines and cheap store bought valentines will end up in the trash. Go with the store bought.
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